Bears Revisited

Bears Revisited

Nope not Pooh. Not Yogi, Teddy or Smoky Bear. I’m talking about the real kind of bears. The ones that roam in the wild and forage on berries, grass and carcasses of dead animals. The big black and brown ones that look tame and cuddly from a distance but would attack you if provoked. I am talking about Montana bears.

I once saw a grizzly up close. It was caged so I didn’t have to worry about being eaten. When it stood on all fours I could hardly see over it large, furry shoulder hump. Scary to say the least. Recently I saw a photo of a grizzly’s front paw. It was about the size of my head with claws that were at least four inches long. With one swipe of that paw, he could take my head off. No way I want to meet one in the wild.

Black bears are a little less intimidating, but they command my respect. I have a bone to pick with the black bear that frequents our neighborhood in early spring and late fall. I have never laid eyes on him, but he has more than once destroyed all my bird feeders to the extent of breaking my black rod iron holder and trampling on all the feeders. Adding insult to injury he left a big, stinky pile of digested berries and sunflower seeds on my patio deck.

While entertaining visitors from overseas, I take them on a tour of Yellowstone National Park, a two-hour drive south of our home. Inevitably I am asked about the possibility of seeing a grizzly. I respond by saying that I have never seen one, but a guaranteed way is to have you strip naked, tie you to a tree and cover you with peanut butter and honey. The last thing you will see is a smiling grizzly bear!

So much for the bear facts. When you come to Montana don’t forget to bring your bear bells and your bear spray just in case. You can leave the peanut butter and honey at home.