Looking Back

Looking Back

Walking with Daisy, our three-year-old Sheltie, I noticed some strange behavior. We got Daisy when she was six months old. She has this odd habit of looking behind her while on a walk. She must have had a traumatic experience to make her leery. She was born on a farm and is nervous around loud noises and strangers, especially men.

Observing her odd behavior, I started thinking about my own looking back. I am of the age where there is a lot more life behind me than what is ahead. Trying not to be morbid, I started to reflect on choices I made in life. Memories can conjure up a lot of “ifs.”

What if I hadn’t broken my high school girlfriend’s heart by telling her I was going to seminary? What if I had stuck it out, and never left the priesthood? What if I said no to my brother’s invitation to meet this Judy friend of his? What if I had said no to God’s tugging on my hardened heart to return to ministry? What if I said no to the opportunity to come to Montana and run a ski lodge? The list goes on.

Looking back can really mess a guy up. There are moments when I wonder if I really did make all those choices. Whatever possessed me to say yes to this but no to that. It wasn’t that I could see my future through a crystal ball. I wasn’t smart enough to always make the right decision. I know it wasn’t fate or chance that brought me safe thus far. Then I remembered these words from the Bible: “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

There is this chorus we used to sing in church: “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back. The Cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back, no turning back.”

Thinking about taking Daisy to doggie therapy!