Mad At God Part 2

Mad At God Part 2

I discovered that being mad at God is hard work. That may sound a little strange but if you have been mad at God as long as I was you realize that it is a real battery drainer. My problem was   this anger lived just below the surface like a low grade fever. Most of the time it was barely recognizable. Then all of a sudden, in a moment of frustration or hurt, the anger rushed to the surface, inflaming my emotions and exerting pressure on my thoughts and words.

Why was I so mad at God? I believed that He had not only let me down but abandoned me when I needed him the most. You see, I had spent eight years preparing to serve him as a priest and another three years serving in a local church. It was Christmas Eve 1973 after Midnight Mass that I knelt beside my bed and pleaded with God to make himself known to me. For some time I had been struggling with the lifestyle I had chosen. God seemed far away and I felt like I was going through the motions and my heart was no longer in it. I needed direction from Him and I needed it now!

I told God that I was giving him thirty days. If I did not hear from him in that time, I was going to leave the priesthood. I didn't know what to expect but I was desperate and needed answers. As you can probably guess, the thirty days went by and I heard nothing. No supernatural sign; no prophetic word; and no direction. I told God that I was done. If He could not so much as answer me, I was done with him. As painful as that experience was, I believed that the relationship was over and I wasn't going to ask a second time.

After walking through a season of great disappointment with myself and with God, I began a new life. I was done with God and church. I met Judy and we were married and moved to Bozeman, Montana to run a ski lodge. Life took on new meaning. I relaxed enough to enjoy life with Judy and the work of managing a ski lodge in a beautiful part of the country. But, I confess there was an ache in my heart that I could not ignore.

As I look back on that season of my life,  I see why God didn't answer me.  The truth is he did answer me. I was unable to hear him in the midst of my circumstances. Little did I know that he had plans for my life that I would not have believed if he did tell me. I have come to see that as Father, he will withhold speaking in order to prepare the heart to receive his answer. As my life unfolded, his answer came loud and clear. What kept me from hearing was a great disappointment that grew into anger and a hard heart.

To be continued...