A Wall Of Shame

A Wall of Shame

Later this summer, Judy and I will celebrate our 40^th wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe that forty years have passed since we said; “I do” in a small chapel in Duluth, Minnesota. Neither of us really knew what lay ahead as we stepped into our future together. Looking back I see that we both had a lot of growing up to do. An old friend once said, “The first fifty years of marriage are the hardest.”

It wasn’t long into our marriage that we discovered that our relationship was going to be a lot of work: we came from very different backgrounds; we were the oldest children from large families; our religious and economic backgrounds were quite different, even our outlook on life was diverse. This was a recipe for conflict.

Some years later, after birthing four children, moving back and forth from Minnesota to Montana several times, we were ready for marriage counseling. In fact, our relationship was so fractured we were considering divorce. By God’s grace, cooler heads prevailed and we sought help. This decision became a turning point in our marriage.

Our counselor gave us a word picture of our marriage: a brick wall. The wall represented the countless disagreements, fights, offenses and hurts that we had inflicted upon each other. Brick by brick we had built a wall that separated us. It was a wall of shame that would destroy our marriage if we continued this destructive behavior.

The counsel given was to stop adding bricks of hurt to the wall. We were asked to turn our attention down the length of the wall where the Cross stood. As we walked toward the Cross, each on our side of the wall, we would meet at the Cross where there was healing and forgiveness. I confess it was not an easy walk but that counsel saved our marriage.

The Bible tells us that marriage is mystery. Like any relationship, marriage is not easy, often messy and in need of grace and mercy. These are gifts from God who is the giver of all good gifts.